Summers' Progress

This Summer is flying by so quickly and cool evening air reveals that the next season is around the corner. I have to admit that I'm looking forward to Fall. It almost feels like I've committed a crime saying that as we waited so long for Summer to really begin. I must admit that I was somewhat naive as to what precious few months would be like. In late spring I had visions of me working the days away in amongst flowers and veggies with my children contentedly enjoying the outside air. I mean Jake would hardly be sitting on his own so surely he'd be the happiest baby cooing from his stroller; and Hanna would be my little helper or entertain herself happily. All would be well, landscaping, mowing, bonfires and etc. Well, sleepless nights grew even more sleepless, teething pain quite altering the happy constitution of my little one(I won't even mention what my mood was like), and wiping, changing, feeding taking away much more of that outdoor time that I anticipated. I watched weeds grow higher than all else from my kitchen window, landscaping plans remain a thought in my head and with much thankfulness my Hubby announcing his plans to make and tend a garden. Just a bit jealous though that his garden looked much healthier than the measly three rows of essentials I had planted. It took me the whole month of July to rid our fruit garden of weeds. But all was not tiresome and toil. Thanks to an abundance of rain I watched my lilies put on a beautiful display, the lawn much more lush than usual (although countless hours my hubby put in mowing), and four pails of strawberries from my garden for the first time, picnics on the deck with Hanna, anticipating the arrival of nine adorable baby chicks and family time spent outside on the warm, calm evenings. Progress I'd say.



August now has brought hindrances and milestones. Outside we watch the earth grow drier and sprinkler turned on more often. Mildew has attacked my grapes, strawberry patch and other perennials. I have a bottle of fungicide spray and hardly the time to deal with it all. Snakes are seen too often for my liking and the chickens have to stay in the coop due to a very hungry fox living in our bush. On the brightside my Pinky Winky Hydrangea is blooming profusely and we have a very cuddly kitten thats made itself quite at home with us.

August has brought me a little more sleep due to two teeth that have finally cut through although I still anxiously await a full nights sleep. It's progress though; two teeth down and several more to come. Jake has changed so much over the summer. From lying helplessly to sitting, jumping and reaching for everything in sight. He's so observant and focuses a long time on an object he's curious about. At the beginnng of summer it was pablum and puree to now eating everything I put in his mouth. He chomps an arrowroot cookie down in a big hurry. He's chubbier, laughs at every thing Hanna does and screams with all kinds of attitude.

Hannas' conversation these days is mostly about starting nursery school and sunday school. She is so excited about it and I don't think there will be many separation issues when leaving her there. I can hardly believe though that the school years are so close already. Time flies so swiftly that I hardly remember when she's done so much growing. It seems clothes that are too small seem to leave the drawers quite often. Her and I have clashed a lot this summer, me with impatience and her unwavering determination. Ah what a battle it is at times and there's many a days I wish I hadn't spoken so strongly or maybe used different tactics. I've worried that I'm just not being a good mom to her. However, recently she came to me and put her hand on the left side of my chest and says 'mom that's your heart, and you have to give your heart to Jesus and then we can see Heaven' She certainly doesn't comprehend everything she talks about but my heart warms that her impressionable mind soaks up the good things. Hearing those words makes me feel like God helping us get something right in this thing called parenting.




I'm still struggling feeling like I have so much to do and not enough time to do it. I've realized that when I'm feeling anxious about it, my children end up getting the least of quality time with me. Things just snowball from there: I eat less healthy, pray less, grumble more and find that rather that reaching a goal it becomes an endless circle of anxiety breeding more anxiety. Isn't realizing all this progress though? I concede that the yard doesn't need to be tip top to enjoy it. What doesn't get done today will still be there tomorrow. My children need me to focus on them, there is Godly work to do in processes of childcare and homemaking. Sometimes its a big load to bear but I realize I'm not bearing it alone. I've had a hard time sacrificing my freedom since the day Hanna was born and it still is a struggle. I feel guilty saying it out loud because it make me feel so selfish to still desire my own time so much. I'm coming to understand though that these seasons of my life require different things from me. It is in this season that much physical and mental energy is needed of me to care for my small children. There will be a season again with more time for me to focus on other interests. I seem to be very slowly learning this but I am learning daily. That's progress for for all of us; to be willing to learn daily from what God teaches us through this thing called life.

Christina

Five Fast Years of Matrimony

This past weekend, on the 24th of June, Wayne and I celebrated five years of marriage. Five years that have gone by so fast and full of so many good memories of the life we created together thus far. I was thinking back to our wedding day in 2006, all the preparations, joy and anticipation of that special day. A day that every girl dreams of for years, then the day of it flies by so fast and all of a sudden it was five years ago. I couldn't help bringing out a few photos to show you and sharing some of those special wedding moments.

Wayne's hair has thinned out and lost a lot of color since that day and my hair seems to get shorter with each child. I'm not sure if we've danced together since our wedding day. It's a little harder to get Wayne wearing fancy duds like that and my wedding dress doesn't zip up quite so easy. So a few things have changed since but our commitment to one another stands firm from the day we said our vows. While we thought our love was so great then it's so much stronger now. We've come across out all the little things that annoy us about one another but our understanding of each other has deepened; respecting our individuality yet drawing nearer as one. Oh, there's many a crazy, frazzled moments, arguing one moment and laughing the next. To keep a marriage alive and joyous certainly isn't always easy and takes a whole lot of effort. To love is to make a choice, and to deliberately act on that choice each day. At the end of the day, with all the good and despite the bad, there is no one I'd rather turn to than Wayne.

I'm so thankful for the man God has blessed me with. He provides, comforts, teases, directs, has the driest jokes, protects, works hard, and is such great daddy to our kids. For the past five years we've enjoyed the simple moments in life: drinking coffee, cruising the country roads, watching movies, fellow shipping with family and friends, dreaming of house renos and future plans, laughing at our little ones, working to keep up our home and just enjoying one another. I look forward the rest of our marriage, Lord willing, many, many years.

Christina

The Simple Things

So I started this post almost two weeks ago. I'm hardly finding the time to sit and add some words to the pictures. With the sun finally shining and earth turning green around me, I see a tonne of work staring me in the face each morning. Life in my home seems soo busy and tiring these days. I felt like I was getting some oomph back until Jake decided last week to routinely wake up at two in the morning. He will not go back to sleep unless I feed him. Then some nights he's up again at five to let some gas go and usually I can rock him back to sleep. Needless to say, what I was aiming for in my last post about starting my day earlier, is NOT happening. I'm still trying to sleep in as long as my kids will let me. I guess as long as I'm nursing I'll be needing some extra rest.

Jake is almost four and half months already, and is such a lively, roly poly little gaffer. He just loves his rice cereal and the chub on his legs is just getting chubbier. For the most part he is in a pretty good schedule with napping but evenings are still hard to get him down often due to gas. I'm considering taking his soother away but not sure if I should cause it's a 'sanity saver' many times. He loves is sister and follows her with his eyes when ever she's near. His limbs get all stiff and he shows his big dimply smile when she coos at him. Love him to pieces even when I'm so exhausted and frustrated at times. It just takes one those smiles to melt away some of that mommy madness.

My birthday was on April 29 and now I'm a quarter of a century old. The highlight of the day: the first flowers and card I've received from Wayne since I turned nineteen, the first spring we dated. Twenty five roses of assorted beautiful colors that didn't last nearly long enough. Later I thought 'hmm the wheelbarrow I wanted would've lasted a lot longer, (practical me)', but I am a gal who loves to stop and smell the roses.

Hanna, what can I say about the vivacious,giggly, sing songy, talking with ear piercing volumes, to big for her britches little girl. She can drive me bananas and make me want to hug her silly at the same time. She's got a song in her head at all times and these days is singing quite the rendition of Amazing Grace in her mixed up way. She's busy again outside with those chickens and they've taken to running after her around the yard. Her most popular lines these days are 'me first','I can do it myself', and 'mommy, No!' Definitely have our work cut out for us to steer her strong will in the right direction. My most heartwarming moment of the day is when I hear her pitter patter feet coming down the hall in the morning. She's dragging her blanket, sleepy eyed and with shy smile says Good Morning and heads for my lap.

Aside from kids and calls of life I've been spending time in these two books. 'calm my anxious heart' is our ladies bible study book. We've done seven weeks and I feel as though I've had seven weeks of convicting thoughts and struggles to overcome as we strive to become women of contentment in our roles as children of God, wives, mothers, friends and with who we are as a woman. It's a book that points straight to the heart. During this study I found a book on amazon that caught my attention, called 'Organized Simplicity'. In so many ways it parallels the other book, stressing that living the simple life is living in contentment with what you have, living with what you have(less) and using your time wisely leaves more time for what truly is important and learning to be good stewards of God creation. Both books imply the use of a life purpose statement to sum up the way we want to live. I was driving one night (my hubby sent me off so that I could get some time alone) and a quote popped into my head and it was the start of my family life purpose statement.

It is our desire to live simply, and simply live... I still intend to add more to it, Wayne thought it was definitely fitting for us. I guess through all of this I want to run a more efficient home, that at the end of the day we feel peace, contentment and just savor the life that we've been blessed with. To take more time cultivating relationships rather being bound by the things we have.

"The simplest things are often the truest" -R Bach

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." -R Bault

" Live life then with a due sense of responsibility, not as those who do not know the meaning of life but as those who do. Make the best use of your time, despite all the evils of these days. Don't be vague but grasp firmly what you know to be the will of the Lord" Ephesians 5:15-17

It's hard to live each day with purpose, I know I've wasted much time in pitiful ways. The beauty of it is though that it's not too late to make a change. So lately,in our home, we've been filling some garage sale boxes, communicating better, taking more time to enjoy the kids and others. I'm working on a more positive attitude and thinking each day about what we can do to enjoy the simple life. simply live.

Christina

Content To Be...

I think today I reached a small milestone...I started my day at 7:30am. For a while now I've been feeling convicted that I ought to start my day a little sooner. I get up with Wayne shortly after six and make his lunch. As soon as he's gone I go diving back into bed and hope that my kids will sleep at least till eigth thirty or nine; if Jake fusses he comes to bed with me and I can usually keep him sleeping. Now this may sound not so bad however in the afternoon I find myself grumbling that my girl doesn't want to nap and she wants to stay up late at night. So logically if I were to wake her up earlier in the morning we might work out a better routine. And spring is here...time to get out of bed!! So ultimately I'd like to start my day with Wayne although I don't think toast and eggs would be happening that early ( thankfully he's not a breakfast man); then have some quiet time for myself and wake the kids up between seven and eight. I have to admit that I did dive back into bed this morning however I got up at seven thirty, and so far I've survived the day with a short rest in the afternoon. And guess what, getting up sooner is probably why I found time to blog after many weeks!...and my girl had a normal nap which is a good thing alround! Little Jake is finally giving me some rest. Around two and half months he started to sleep a little more at night and now is doing about five to six hours at a time. I'm feeling a lot more energetic and my house is looking a little tidier too. I'm reminded of that saying 'If momma ain't happy, nobody's happy' Two months ago I thought I'd be that exhausted and hornery forever and now the nursing is straightened out, kids have routine again, the sun is shining and the hope of spring fills me with a sense of renewal. Jake is over three months already and is so filled out already. I just love his chubby little double chin,the long tufts of hair on his head that look like a mohawk or comb over most days and the dimples in his cheeks when he smiles. He so fun to tickle and talk to as he coos and giggles back at us. He's starting to look so much like his dad, especially his eyes and hairline. I still think Jake has the Friesen smile, he reminds me of my brother with that lazy half grin. Overall he's a really content baby, some evenings are still a little gassy and fussy, but he's alot more predictable now that we have a routine going. I've been getting out and about quite a bit with him. Hanna is always busy with him too, and a little overbearing at times. He looks quite annoyed at times when she's trying hug him a little much as he's not a super cuddly little guy. We keep telling Hanna that someday he's going to show her what he's made of :) I can't imagine life without him now, he fits in perfectly into our family. The other night we all walked to the neighbours for coffee and it was on our way back in the dark that a feeling of complete contentment overcame me. Hanna was splashing along in her rubber boots holding my hand, Wayne carrying Jake in carseat and we came around the corner to the lights of our home and I just felt so thankful for our blessings.

just in love with this little man

It may seem strange to see a picture of buns but to me they represent me really getting back into the swing of things in my house. A few weeks back i finally felt energetic enough to tackle homemade buns which I hadn't done since quite some time before Christmas. I love working with the dough and silly as it may sound, my stresses just ease away as I'm kneading and rolling. The pay off is so good at the end when the smell of freshly baked buns fill the house. Hanna and I usually get out the jam or peanut butter and have a little feast. I haven't shared this with many but someday I would like to bake buns, bread and other baked goods as a business. I enjoy doing farmer's market but it's hard to manage that with raising children. Maybe when the time is right and an opportunity presents itself, something will become of my thoughts.

We started a new book in our Ladies Bible Study group called 'Calm My Anxious Heart'. It's essentially about contentment in life and speaks very loudly to me. I've been living with much anxiousness in my life, so many what ifs and worries about things that don't even need to be worried about. To be anxious about nothing and turn everything into prayer seems so foreign to me. It's certainly going to be a learning process and a test of faith to be content in all circumstances. I'm so thankful for the voices in my ladies group. I soak up their wisdom like a sponge. I admit I don't contribute much vocally as I seem to clam up in a crowd but I come home feeling like I've learned so much I never knew before. Often I'm guilt ridden, repentant for my actions and feeling like I'm constantly stumbling. I'm always recharged though to pick up and try again though, and to strive for a life of complete content is something worth discovering. Theres a prescription for contentment I want to quote from the book:

*never allow yourself to complain about anything-not even the weather

*never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else

*never compare your lot with another's

*never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise

*never dwell on tomorrow- remember the tomorrow is God's, not others

Guilty of all those! doesn't that sound so different from the world's view of contentment where we are encouraged to be self seeking, self gratifying and keeping up with the joneses. I really like this quote "Contentment is essentially a matter of accepting from God's hand what he sends because we know that he is good and therefore it is good." That's hard when sometimes situations in life seems so unfair and hurtful. Sometimes motherhood seems so overwhelming and more that I can handle; moments of discontent certainly creep in. I'm learning that it starts with accepting that we have a portion in life. It's already been given and is meant for our good. It may not always seem pleasant and there may be many burdens but we have the strength to handle them. Contentment is feeling peace despite the pain.It's giving up control. Worrying is acutally a control mechanism. How can I give God control when I'm fretting. Hmmm...so much for me to think about and practice these days. In my book I highlighted this verse

"I accept my portion. Infuse me with Your strength that I may drink"(Luke 22:42)

And right now I'm finally content that I had a chance to sit down and share the things on my mind.

May peace surround you,

Christina

Days of Childhood and Laughter(and exhaustion)

Hi again, its been several weeks since I've had the the energy and capacity in my mind to sit and blog. This week Jake is is seven weeks old and I look back and wonder where the newborn days flew off too, even though several weeks ago I thought things would never get easier. The days are a little easier now though, we've come through some tough nursing times, a two week battle of thrush, many tummy aches, gassiness,constant tiredness and sleepless nights. But amidst all that Jake is such a sweet cuddly baby, who is now smiling and cooing at us. He surprises us at how strong he is with holding his head and legs so stiff. He loves to be held forward facing when were walking so that he can see everything. His face is so bright with big eyes that are getting very aware of his surroundings. We love him to pieces.

He certainly is a demanding little guy with still being up at night every two and half to three hours at night. I'm handling it a little better already because he goes back to sleep easier. It's hard to gt used to when my first baby was so easy with sleeping through the nights by six weeks. I have to admit there have been many 'blue' feelings about the way things were going with Jake but I realize and have to accept that Jake is a different baby with different needs than what Hanna had. This is such a short time of his life and the tiredness shall pass. (and his digestive systems will eventually work out its kinks)

Hanna has been quite a challenging two year old. She's constantly testing me one minute and making me laugh the next. We finally have a bedtime routine down pat with her thanks to her dad. It starts with going to the potty, standing on the counter to brush her teeth while Wayne and her sing silly songs. Then she flys off like an airplane into his arms and runs to bed. Of course she asks for milk, then its story time, cuddling and a prayer. Then, peace and quiet and sometimes a sigh of relief from me. Then after a while I turn out the lights and cover her with the blanket. I marvel how this headstrong, high energy child can look so angelic and tender in her sleep. Then she reveals her wild side again the next morning, lol.

Here is Hanna in one of her many dressing up moments, this is definitely her mennonite look. And speaking of being mennonite I'm trying to recommit myself to teaching my kids the low german language. Preserving the culture that I come from is important to me and I want to pass those memories on to my children. The low german language is so unique and I fear that someday it will be a forgotten language. I struggle myself to keep speaking it and often do so only with my mom and siblings. And there some expressions and sayings that only come out best when spoken in the mother tongue. Yesterdy Hanna asked me if I had some 'shnoda' and proceeded to get a kleenex and wanted to blow my nose for me. Not the most graceful word to begin with but it's a start.

This is Hanna having a heydey making noodles with her Aunty Kathy, who has far more patience in the kitchen with a little girl than what I do. She loved getting her hands in the flour and patting the dough, not to mention how many noodles she ate.

Jake is finally fitting his three month outfits. After several weeks of sleepers its been fun dressing him up like a little man. Of course my mom thinks its silly to make a baby look so grown up, and 'youngs moms today just don't do things the way they used to!'

I finally asked someone to take a pic of Jake with his mommy as it seems I do all the picture taking and in the end there are so few of me with him.

Hanna is a proud sister and says that Jake is her best friend. My sister asked Hanna if she could Jake home. Hanna very adamantly told her that Jake belongs in mommy's house.

At the end of my trying, tiring days, we are blessed to be called to raise these two children. Each day I pray to be a more patient mother with strength and the wisdom to steer them in the right direction. It's not an easy task but one that I want to be diligent in each day.

Psalm 127 Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord; and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are the children of his youth. Happy is the man that has his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies at the gate.

Until next time,

Christina

Baby Days

I can't believe it's already been three and a half weeks of sleepless nights and busy days of nursing, changing, wiping, rocking and much cuddling with little Jake. He's changing quickly already with his body filling out and his face so becoming so bright and alert. He's been a very content baby although demanding quite frequent feedings that are so exhausting in the middle of the night. Some days my mind feel a little less foggy with fatigue such as today and then I actually find energy for a quick post on the blog. Hopefully soon I can become more regular again with blogging. Until then it feels as though time is very measured in this household and time for me is put on hold for a bit. I forgot how demanding those first weeks are and especially a whole new scenario with a toddler in the mix. Hanna has been really good with Jake and showers him with hugs and kisses. Many days have been frustrating though as she continually tests me, especially when I'm busy with nursing. She's definitely feeling my lack of attention on her and seems to vent those feelings by doing all the things she's not supposed to be doing. She's seems to be becoming daddy's girl now, which is good after all those months of him being away on the semi. I'm so thankful for dolls too because they occupy much of her time. It also helps her to stay connected with me by both of us being mommies together. Not to mention that she imitates everything I do and say with Jake!

well, it's back to baby duties for me....

Christina

A Time to be Born

"Before I formed you in the womb.... I knew you." Jeremiah 1:5

On January 5, 2011, baby Jake Cornelius Doerksen

was welcomed into our arms at last.

At 7 lbs 12 oz and 20.5 inches long I could only marvel that this little being was really formed inside of me.

We spent about 20 hours at the hospital waiting for my labour to progress. I walked the halls most of the day taking breaks in between when my hips and back felt like they could go no further. My doctor sent us out for supper, and so we decided to head back to my mom's for supper and see Hanna for a bit. After two hours it was definitely time to go back to the hospital. The doctor broke my water at midnight and four hours later Jake came screaming into the bright new world. We had a feeling it would be a boy, but it was still such an exhilarating surprise to really see a little baby boy. He surely would be our little Jake.

We decided on the name Jake in remembrance of Wayne's Grandpa Jake who passed on almost three years ago. Just a few weeks ago I felt that Cornelius would be an appropriate middle name, in honor of my dad. My heart aches when I think about the fact that our children will never know their Grandpa Friesen, and so baby Jake will carry on that little piece of "Cornie". I already figure that my nickname for Jake will be the name Cornie in german form. (Kind of 'corny', eh?)

When Hanna first came into the hospital room, she take on look at me and Jake and says "It's baby Jesus!" After just having had Christmas and Hanna really catching on to the Christmas Story she's been all about her dolls and babies being "baby Jesus" She's been hooked on this bedtime story called the Christmas Donkey, with the story of Jesus from the donkeys view. So in the hospital room after exclaiming that Jake was Jesus she says "Where's the Christmas Donkey?" Well, with much laughter we had to explain that no, Jake wasn't baby Jesus, instead Jesus being his Daddy in Heaven. And, no, mommy is not in a barn with animals and a manger. It took a few days for her to sort the names out but now has it down pat that Jake is her brother and Jesus is in heaven.:) She repeatedly tells me that 'Jake was born' and that mommy's 'big one tummy is gone' She's taken to him really well, and showers him with kisses and hugs. Her adrenaline was running really strong the first few days and now we're trying to get back into routine with miss Hanna. And while I was gone, it seems like she gained weight and grew two inches!

All the people who told me the second time would be easier were right! I feel so much more relaxed and confident with a newborn. Physically, my recovery is much easier to handle and I feel really good. Nursing is well on its way and right now we're in a feeding every 2 to 2.5 hour schedule. Jake has been so content so long as all the burps are out of the way and his tummy is full. I haven't even cried yet which I pretty much did the whole first week when Hanna was born. This time it's not so overwhelming giving up my freedom because of already having a two year old dependant on me. I'm more confident about my place in life as a mother and so in some ways I feel as though I can enjoy this baby more thoroughly.

We've had much help from family and friends with food and keeping up with the small stuff in the house. I'm so grateful for that and for the gifts and hand me downs that I've received. I thought dressing a boy wouldn't be nearly as much fun as a girl but I think I was wrong.

So, for now we are snug in our home just revolving our lives around our two blessings. It feels like a great start to the new year and a good way to get through the winter!

Christina