Friday, March 25, 2011

Content To Be...

I think today I reached a small milestone...I started my day at 7:30am. For a while now I've been feeling convicted that I ought to start my day a little sooner. I get up with Wayne shortly after six and make his lunch. As soon as he's gone I go diving back into bed and hope that my kids will sleep at least till eigth thirty or nine; if Jake fusses he comes to bed with me and I can usually keep him sleeping. Now this may sound not so bad however in the afternoon I find myself grumbling that my girl doesn't want to nap and she wants to stay up late at night. So logically if I were to wake her up earlier in the morning we might work out a better routine. And spring is here...time to get out of bed!! So ultimately I'd like to start my day with Wayne although I don't think toast and eggs would be happening that early ( thankfully he's not a breakfast man); then have some quiet time for myself and wake the kids up between seven and eight. I have to admit that I did dive back into bed this morning however I got up at seven thirty, and so far I've survived the day with a short rest in the afternoon. And guess what, getting up sooner is probably why I found time to blog after many weeks!...and my girl had a normal nap which is a good thing alround! Little Jake is finally giving me some rest. Around two and half months he started to sleep a little more at night and now is doing about five to six hours at a time. I'm feeling a lot more energetic and my house is looking a little tidier too. I'm reminded of that saying 'If momma ain't happy, nobody's happy' Two months ago I thought I'd be that exhausted and hornery forever and now the nursing is straightened out, kids have routine again, the sun is shining and the hope of spring fills me with a sense of renewal. Jake is over three months already and is so filled out already. I just love his chubby little double chin,the long tufts of hair on his head that look like a mohawk or comb over most days and the dimples in his cheeks when he smiles. He so fun to tickle and talk to as he coos and giggles back at us. He's starting to look so much like his dad, especially his eyes and hairline. I still think Jake has the Friesen smile, he reminds me of my brother with that lazy half grin. Overall he's a really content baby, some evenings are still a little gassy and fussy, but he's alot more predictable now that we have a routine going. I've been getting out and about quite a bit with him. Hanna is always busy with him too, and a little overbearing at times. He looks quite annoyed at times when she's trying hug him a little much as he's not a super cuddly little guy. We keep telling Hanna that someday he's going to show her what he's made of :) I can't imagine life without him now, he fits in perfectly into our family. The other night we all walked to the neighbours for coffee and it was on our way back in the dark that a feeling of complete contentment overcame me. Hanna was splashing along in her rubber boots holding my hand, Wayne carrying Jake in carseat and we came around the corner to the lights of our home and I just felt so thankful for our blessings.
just in love with this little man

It may seem strange to see a picture of buns but to me they represent me really getting back into the swing of things in my house. A few weeks back i finally felt energetic enough to tackle homemade buns which I hadn't done since quite some time before Christmas. I love working with the dough and silly as it may sound, my stresses just ease away as I'm kneading and rolling. The pay off is so good at the end when the smell of freshly baked buns fill the house. Hanna and I usually get out the jam or peanut butter and have a little feast. I haven't shared this with many but someday I would like to bake buns, bread and other baked goods as a business. I enjoy doing farmer's market but it's hard to manage that with raising children. Maybe when the time is right and an opportunity presents itself, something will become of my thoughts.

We started a new book in our Ladies Bible Study group called 'Calm My Anxious Heart'. It's essentially about contentment in life and speaks very loudly to me. I've been living with much anxiousness in my life, so many what ifs and worries about things that don't even need to be worried about. To be anxious about nothing and turn everything into prayer seems so foreign to me. It's certainly going to be a learning process and a test of faith to be content in all circumstances. I'm so thankful for the voices in my ladies group. I soak up their wisdom like a sponge. I admit I don't contribute much vocally as I seem to clam up in a crowd but I come home feeling like I've learned so much I never knew before. Often I'm guilt ridden, repentant for my actions and feeling like I'm constantly stumbling. I'm always recharged though to pick up and try again though, and to strive for a life of complete content is something worth discovering. Theres a prescription for contentment I want to quote from the book:

*never allow yourself to complain about anything-not even the weather

*never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else

*never compare your lot with another's

*never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise

*never dwell on tomorrow- remember the tomorrow is God's, not others

Guilty of all those! doesn't that sound so different from the world's view of contentment where we are encouraged to be self seeking, self gratifying and keeping up with the joneses. I really like this quote "Contentment is essentially a matter of accepting from God's hand what he sends because we know that he is good and therefore it is good." That's hard when sometimes situations in life seems so unfair and hurtful. Sometimes motherhood seems so overwhelming and more that I can handle; moments of discontent certainly creep in. I'm learning that it starts with accepting that we have a portion in life. It's already been given and is meant for our good. It may not always seem pleasant and there may be many burdens but we have the strength to handle them. Contentment is feeling peace despite the pain.It's giving up control. Worrying is acutally a control mechanism. How can I give God control when I'm fretting. much for me to think about and practice these days. In my book I highlighted this verse

"I accept my portion. Infuse me with Your strength that I may drink"(Luke 22:42)

And right now I'm finally content that I had a chance to sit down and share the things on my mind.

May peace surround you,