This Summer is flying by so quickly and cool evening air reveals that the next season is around the corner. I have to admit that I'm looking forward to Fall. It almost feels like I've committed a crime saying that as we waited so long for Summer to really begin. I must admit that I was somewhat naive as to what precious few months would be like. In late spring I had visions of me working the days away in amongst flowers and veggies with my children contentedly enjoying the outside air. I mean Jake would hardly be sitting on his own so surely he'd be the happiest baby cooing from his stroller; and Hanna would be my little helper or entertain herself happily. All would be well, landscaping, mowing, bonfires and etc. Well, sleepless nights grew even more sleepless, teething pain quite altering the happy constitution of my little one(I won't even mention what my mood was like), and wiping, changing, feeding taking away much more of that outdoor time that I anticipated. I watched weeds grow higher than all else from my kitchen window, landscaping plans remain a thought in my head and with much thankfulness my Hubby announcing his plans to make and tend a garden. Just a bit jealous though that his garden looked much healthier than the measly three rows of essentials I had planted. It took me the whole month of July to rid our fruit garden of weeds. But all was not tiresome and toil. Thanks to an abundance of rain I watched my lilies put on a beautiful display, the lawn much more lush than usual (although countless hours my hubby put in mowing), and four pails of strawberries from my garden for the first time, picnics on the deck with Hanna, anticipating the arrival of nine adorable baby chicks and family time spent outside on the warm, calm evenings. Progress I'd say.
August now has brought hindrances and milestones. Outside we watch the earth grow drier and sprinkler turned on more often. Mildew has attacked my grapes, strawberry patch and other perennials. I have a bottle of fungicide spray and hardly the time to deal with it all. Snakes are seen too often for my liking and the chickens have to stay in the coop due to a very hungry fox living in our bush. On the brightside my Pinky Winky Hydrangea is blooming profusely and we have a very cuddly kitten thats made itself quite at home with us.
August has brought me a little more sleep due to two teeth that have finally cut through although I still anxiously await a full nights sleep. It's progress though; two teeth down and several more to come. Jake has changed so much over the summer. From lying helplessly to sitting, jumping and reaching for everything in sight. He's so observant and focuses a long time on an object he's curious about. At the beginnng of summer it was pablum and puree to now eating everything I put in his mouth. He chomps an arrowroot cookie down in a big hurry. He's chubbier, laughs at every thing Hanna does and screams with all kinds of attitude.
Hannas' conversation these days is mostly about starting nursery school and sunday school. She is so excited about it and I don't think there will be many separation issues when leaving her there. I can hardly believe though that the school years are so close already. Time flies so swiftly that I hardly remember when she's done so much growing. It seems clothes that are too small seem to leave the drawers quite often. Her and I have clashed a lot this summer, me with impatience and her unwavering determination. Ah what a battle it is at times and there's many a days I wish I hadn't spoken so strongly or maybe used different tactics. I've worried that I'm just not being a good mom to her. However, recently she came to me and put her hand on the left side of my chest and says 'mom that's your heart, and you have to give your heart to Jesus and then we can see Heaven' She certainly doesn't comprehend everything she talks about but my heart warms that her impressionable mind soaks up the good things. Hearing those words makes me feel like God helping us get something right in this thing called parenting.
I'm still struggling feeling like I have so much to do and not enough time to do it. I've realized that when I'm feeling anxious about it, my children end up getting the least of quality time with me. Things just snowball from there: I eat less healthy, pray less, grumble more and find that rather that reaching a goal it becomes an endless circle of anxiety breeding more anxiety. Isn't realizing all this progress though? I concede that the yard doesn't need to be tip top to enjoy it. What doesn't get done today will still be there tomorrow. My children need me to focus on them, there is Godly work to do in processes of childcare and homemaking. Sometimes its a big load to bear but I realize I'm not bearing it alone. I've had a hard time sacrificing my freedom since the day Hanna was born and it still is a struggle. I feel guilty saying it out loud because it make me feel so selfish to still desire my own time so much. I'm coming to understand though that these seasons of my life require different things from me. It is in this season that much physical and mental energy is needed of me to care for my small children. There will be a season again with more time for me to focus on other interests. I seem to be very slowly learning this but I am learning daily. That's progress for for all of us; to be willing to learn daily from what God teaches us through this thing called life.