October 1st today.
A month that is always a big deal for me. I love the changes of scenery, the colors, crispness and cool air that is so refreshing after a hot, dry summer. It's the month of Wayne's bithday which happens to be a milestone for him in two days. It's the month my creative juices start flowing as i feel the work outside will wind down and soon there will be time for nesting in and crafting, reading, cooking and baking comfort food, etc. Most of all it's the month I really turn pensive about life, the month I lost my Dad, a time a of memories that never escape. I think of all I've lost but more importantly it's a time to think of all that I have gained though my loss. This month of this year begins differently than the past several years, as I am learning to give Thanks to God for using the hurt and pain to bring me closer to Him.
I'm committing myself this month, to bring Thanksgiving to His Table each day. This doesn't come easy to me as by nature I focus so long on the pain, the negative and unjust feelings. I fall into a mire of self pity and find it hard to say Thanks for the blessings when I'm too blind to see them. I had that kind of a day today, a good morning that went downhill; not a good first day of thankfulness. A day of overwhelming motherhood and feeling so inadequate; failing. A day where love didn't come easy and frustrations heaped. I needed my mother's assurance to clear my vision. I needed my husband to understand and talk me through tears. I need my Father's forgiveness. At the end of day we needed friends to share and understand with. The final touch, my Hanna climbing on my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck, and peace filling me in that moment. I can rest, with Thankfulness that I learned much through the pain of today.
"He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God." Psalm 50:23